


Our Waltz

by Shattered_Gem



Category: Death Note
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Family, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Out of Character, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-19 23:46:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3628722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shattered_Gem/pseuds/Shattered_Gem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Our love story will be a waltz. Of course a foot may get stepped on from time to time, but with each trampled foot, I fall deeper in love with you; if that's even possible. When we grow old, and we have children of our own we will tell them about our waltz, of all the falls and bruised feet that have become our love story."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A 98% Chance

L

 

"Because I love you! That's why!"

 

He was shouting, flailing his arms, tugging on the chain. "You-you- lo-love m-me?" I ask. He sits at the foot of the bed. "Yes. L. I love you." He says his head in his hands. I sit there, my thumb running across my lips. There is a 97% chance that Light is very much telling the truth. "Well?" He asks, looking up, "say something." He's blushing. I look away, embarrassed. "What does that mean?" I ask the wall. "Love?" He asks. "Um..." Long pause. "Yes." I whisper, turning back to him.

"Well, love is a feeling. It's attraction and attachment. It's safety. It's warm. Every time I look at you, my heartbeat speeds up, my cheeks blush, I get nervous. Every time I see you, I swear you become more beautiful. I want to hold you, and to make you happy, I want you. I love you." I can hardly take in what he is saying. My hand drops from my mouth a few minutes later. "What is it L?" He asks, "I'm sorry, I messed this up. I'm-" I pull on the chain, shutting him up. "Light Yagami." I say, my hand reaching out, "from my understanding of the definition, there is a 98% chance that I love you as well." I brush my thumb against his cheek. "You-you do?" He asks, looking up at me, and catching my hand.

"Yes." Light smiles in a way I've only seen him smile twice. When I first heard his deduction skills and was impressed, and now, when I told him I love him. He moves closer to me. He sits crosslegged in front of my perching body. "There is no thinking involved in love." He says, and it takes me a moment before I understand. He holds out his arms, and I shift into his lap sideways. His arm is around my shoulder, and my face is in his collarbone. I feel his free hand brushing through my hair. I like that feeling. I sigh, and relax into him. "I like this." I whisper, looking up at him. He chuckles softly and I feel the vibration in his chest, "as do I." He says and kisses my nose. "Light? Can I sleep with you tonight?" I ask and he nuzzles his face in my hair. "Of course, Love." He says and lifts me up.

He brings me to the top of the bed and tucks me under the blankets, before kissing my forehead. I smile, and feel an odd warmth in my cheeks. "You're so cute when you blush." He says crawling into the bed next to me. I bury my face in my pillow. "Oh, come on L. Please. Pleeeeaaasssseeeee." I smile and roll over, facing him. He holds his arms out again. I move into them, he puts one arm over my waist and the other is brushing hair off my face.

 I close my eyes and feel myself lean into his hand, like a cat. Then I move closer, tangling my feet with his, I put my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. I lie on his shoulder with his arm under my head, wrapping down to my waist. My arms are curled to my chest and Light adjusts so he can put both arms around me. I lean into him and I feel his foot gently reach out and brush against mine. I jump at first but then, I find it oddly comforting. I nuzzle against him, and for the first time in a very, very long time I fall asleep. And for the first time in my life, I fall asleep blushing and with a smile.

 

* * *

 

Light

 

I'm afraid to breathe. The delicate boy has just fallen asleep in my arms, and I'd never forgive myself for waking him up. I look down at him, and hear his little even breaths. Suddenly he shifts a bit and snuggles closers to me. I smile and hold him tighter. 1 year. 14 days. 8 hours. That's how long I've waited for this moment. I had known that L didn't know much about affection, but I was slightly taken aback when he asked what love was. We really will be figuring it out together. Like learning a waltz, I know a bit more, so I'll lead, but we need each other to make it truly beautiful. The thought makes me smile. I look down again at him, his small fists are holding onto my white t shirt. He loves me. I can't get that out of my head. Taking a slight risk, I lean down and kiss his head, when he stirs but doesn't wake up I relax.

 

I stare at him for quite a while, stroking his hair, or kissing his forehead. He shifts around and pulls me tighter, "Light-kun?" He asks, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "What are you doing up? It's four in the morning?" I bite my lip to stop from laughing. _Why are you up so early? Look who's talking._ "Okay, so I have no room to judge," L says, bringing his thumb to his mouth. I gently reach my hand out and move his away. He looks up at me, blushes and then looks down. "Hey, it's okay," I say and put my hand under his chin, gently tilting it so he's looking at me.

"Light-kun, doesn't like it when I do that, Light-kun thinks I am flawed." He says, pulling away from my hand. "You are not flawed." I say, kissing his jaw. "I'm broken," He says, and turns to face me. "My broken beauty, I have some band-aids, I can help you heal all the wounds, and I can dry all your tears."

I can tell L is tearing up, which is something I have never witnessed before, and it is by far the most heartbreaking thing I've ever viewed in my entire life. He lets me put my knees on the outside of his legs, one left, one right. I cradle his face and wipe away his tears. He grabs my wrists, and holds them there. Without even realizing it, I began to softly sing.

_"When you try your best but you don't succeed_

_When you get what you want but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse."_

 

L closes his eyes and leans into my hands. His head drops and his body is completely slack. His chest is moving quickly while he sobs. I put my arms around him and pull him into my lap like I did before.

 

_"And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?"_

 

His arms are clutching my shirt, and his small frame is trembling vigorously. I wrap both my arms around his shoulders, and hug him tight, gently rocking as I sing. I put my chin on his head, so he won't see the tears that are forming in my eyes. I squeeze my eyes shut as he chokes on another sob and I feel my tears starting to fall.

_"Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you"_

 

I whisper the last park against his temple a couple of times. My shirt is beyond soaked from his tears and his hair is equally as soaked from mine. We sit there, for hours, L sobbing, me trying to keep myself together, but failing. I hold him so tight I shake. Then, he sniffs, and his fists uncurl from my shirt. He looks up at me, his panda eyes tearstained and swollen. His bottom lip quivering. "I'm sorry, Li-" I cut him off with a kiss. He stays very still, but doesn't push me off. "What was that?" He asks, "I liked it." He says, touching his lips, before putting his arms around my neck and pulling me into another kiss.

He giggles after he pulls away. "I know you are wondering what happened with me tonight, but I'd rather not discuss it right now." He says and I nod. I take off my wet shirt and set it beside the bed, L blushes and is trembling…fear. That's what it is. "L, my shirt was wet, I'm not going to do anything to you," I say and his muscles relax a bit. "Let's get some sleep." I say, and L curls up to me. I lie on my back with my arm around his waist and he rests his head on my shoulder, his warm breath hits my neck, and his hair tickles the skin there. I could hear L mumble something, but I was far too gone to hear it.


	2. You're Playing With Fire

He was awake when I finally blinked my eyes open. His small frame was lying on top of me; his head on my chest, his soft hair on my chest, his finger tracing the skin there, at my hips I can feel his hipbones digging into my side. His legs are off to the side, but his torso is on top of me. I hardly noticed that he had removed the chain that had been connecting us.

“Morning.” I say, and he immediately stopped his hand from tracing, and he looks up at me. His dark panda eyes still a bit red and swollen for earlier that morning.

“Sorry.” He murmurs and lifts his hand to his mouth. I reach out and grab his hand and place it back on my chest, with my hand on his.

            “You don’t have to apologize.” I say, reaching up with my hand and brushing some hair out of his face. He nuzzles into my hand, and then, something odd happens. He starts to purr, it’s a low humming in the back of his throat.

“What?” He asks, looking up at me. The purring sound stops only when he speaks.

“You’re just so…just so-“ I bring my hand to rest on his cheek, lightly running my fingers across his cheekbone, his nose, his jaw, and his lips, I keep my thumb on his lip. His lips are so…soft; I finally understand why he’s always touching it.

“So…what?” He asks softly.

“Beautiful.” I murmur, and settle my hand behind his neck, gently pulling him down. I pull on his shoulder blades, careful not to hurt his lithe form. He’s so small. Much smaller than I had anticipated.

“I’m not beautiful.” He says, our noses touching.

“You’re tense.” I whisper, burying my face in the crook of his neck. He smells…like L…so safe.

“I’m…nervous…” He whispers his lips lying on my collarbone. I have to bite back the moan in my throat.

“I am too.” I whisper, pulling back from him, just enough to look him in the eyes.

“We don’t _have_ to do anything. Nothing at all.” I say, and he drops his head to my collarbone.

“You smell really nice.” He mumbles against my collarbone. This time, the slight moan escapes from my mouth before I can stop it.

“Did I hurt you?” He asks, concerned, I try to steady my breath before I respond, “n-no…the op-posit.” With his lips on my collar and the vibration on his lips caused by his content purr, I have to remind myself to breathe.

“You like this?” He asks; I can feel his teeth in a devilish smile on my shoulder.

“Y-ye-yes.” I stutter out. Finally I gain my composure.

“Here, let me show you…” I lean up an inch and put my lips on his neck. I feel him press against me. When he tilts his head, I take it as a sign to keep going. I can feel his heartbeat under my tongue, and gently drag my teeth over it. L can’t hold himself up anymore and he drops onto me, unintentionally pressing his neck into my mouth. I use this to my advantage, and I gently suck at the divot between his jaw joint and his ear lobe.

If I thought L was sexy before, I obviously didn’t understand the definition. His cheek was against my chest, his hands grabbing my shoulders, and his eyes half lidded. His cheek was slightly flushed, and his mouth was open, and pressed against my chest, stifling his sounds of delight.

“L.” I say, leaving his neck, he almost whimpers at the loss of contact.

“Please don’t stop that Light.” He’s breathing heavily.

“I won’t…” I smile deviously, “but, if you keep biting your tongue, I will.” I say, nipping at his jaw.

“O-o-k-ka-y.” He says very unevenly. I decided to try something; I gently drag my tongue up to his ear. I bite at it, suck on the lobe and twist it around in my mouth. The boy shivers, no, he squirms. He falls into a rhythm of movements; first he arches into me, then he shifts around, and presses against me again. Throughout this rhythm, he lets little sighs and moans of my name slip from his perfect little lips.

 _“You are playing with fire.”_ I hiss against his ear.

“I-I don’t care.” He says, and tilts his head back as I nip at his collarbone. I sigh, and force myself away.

“Raito, did I… did I do so-omthing wr-wrong?” He’s breathing fast. My eyes widen.

“No! No, no, no, no, no. You did something…something that was all too right…” I say, and run my thumb over his lips again.

“Then why did you stop me?” His dark eyes held guilt, I could tell.

“L I can say this in so many ways, and yet, I think the best way is to be flat out blunt.” I say, looking up at him.

“L, are you nervous about having sex?” He nods bashfully.

“I stopped, because if I didn’t,” I lean to his ear and whisper the next part, “…I’d be forced to have you. Right here. Right now.”

“Oh…” Is all L can get out.

“But…I don’t think a kiss would hurt.” I say, and he smiles, and presses his lips to mine. He sucks my bottom lip, and I am putty in his hands. He bites it and I arch. Then he says something against my lips, which I recognize as my own words.

 _“You’re playing with fire.”_ He pulls back smirking. I smile.

Damn. He’s so beautiful, so…sensual. His fingers dancing on my chest, his cheeks are flushed, he’s biting his lip which is swollen from kissing, and his neck, it’s dotted with red spots, and a purple one forming on his pale skin.

“You like it don’t you?” He says, sitting up, his knees on either side of my hips.

“Like what?” I ask, putting my hands on his slim waist.

“When I _moan_ your name. _Ohhh Raito._ ” He says, tipping his head back.

 _“Stop it.”_ I hiss, and suddenly, almost as if coming out of a haze, his eyes are clear, not hooded with lust as I just saw in the previous moments. His eyes, well, they look more like L.

“S-sorry.” He says and slides next to me.

“Don’t apologize.” I whisper and pull him into my arms, resting my chin on his head lightly.

“I love you L.” I whisper.

“Waweweltse.” I hear him mumble back.

“What is it, Love?” I ask, stroking his hair as he lifts his head.

“Lawliet.” He says. I kiss him. Right there.

“I love you Raito.” He says, out noses touching.

“I love you too, Lawliet.” I say, and he smiles.

There is a moment of silence. For that moment, we didn’t talk, but we sure as hell said a lot. It was ten minutes of innocent caresses and kisses. Of hands holding hands. Of smiles, and tears of happiness, the emotion was stronger than I ever thought was possible. His eyes lock with mine. They say everything. The fear, of everything we are still figuring out. The trust. The beauty. The happiness. The bliss. The curiosity. I’ve never seen his eyes like this, deep and full of emotion, and as I stare at them, I realize why I had never seen them like this. The emotion was love, but I always thought that his eyes were reflecting the love in mine. So I never bothered to look.


	3. That Damn Lighter

L has a lot of habits that always worry me. He has some objects stored in odd places. He does things that seem abnormal. I’ve always passed it off as being paranoid, but I still wrote down everything thing that worried me, just so I could keep a close eye on those.

The first thing is his posture, I recognize what he said about the deduction skills, but even still, I feel like there is something more. It’s something about the way he touches his lip, something about the spastic way his hands move to cover his ears every once and a while.

Second is the lighter, L has a lighter on his desk; he has no oil lamps, candles, or cigarettes. L never puts anything on his desk unless it serves a purpose, I brushed it off, maybe it was for documents in case of an emergency.

Third is his weight. I stand tall at 6’3, L falls just a few inches short of 6’. I weigh around 145 pounds giving me a BMI of 18.1, which is just shy of an average weight. L on the other hand is roughly 5’10, weighing in at only 92 pounds; this gives him a BMI of about 13.2, which is much lower than a healthy BMI of 18.5.

Fourth is his sense of blame. He is prone to apologize more, now that we’ve become more intimate. He apologizes for touching my hand, or even just looking at me.

            I’m probably just being paranoid, but I love him, and I don’t want him to hurt. We are in between cases right now, so we don’t have much to do, we wander around the headquarters and make memories.

            “I can’t believe you’ve never played Catch Phrase!” L blushes and turns his heated face away from me.

            “It’s settled. We have to play.” I tell him sitting down on one side of the breakfast bar while he sits on the other.

            “What exactly is this, ‘catch phrase’ thing?” He asks, in his usual crouch.

            “Well, first of all we need a random word generator.” I say, and I go into the other room and collect a handheld device.

            “Once this loads, it will give us a random word. I’ll go first, I read the word to myself, and by talking I have to get you to guess the word or words on the screen. But you can’t use rhyming words, you can’t say any part of the word, and you can’t give hints based on the letters in the word.” He nods.

            “Ready…Go.” I say and tap the screen. _Secret._

            “It’s something no one else knows, something you keep.” I say and he keeps looking at me. A few moments pass.

            “Oh, am I supposed to say it out loud?” He asks and I stifle a laugh as I reach across and ruffle his hair.

            “Yes.” I say and he smiles.

            “Secret.” I hand him the screen and he taps it.

            “He was a character in Alice in Wonderland, and he was considered insane-“

“Mad Hatter.” He passes it back to me.

“If you guessed something completely correct.”

“Aced?”

“No… um… the third word is a part of the face that I kiss you on.”

“Neck… um stretch the neck?” He is genuinely confused.

“No, it’s what enables your olfactory sense.”

“Nose! By the nose? For the nose? Close to nose? On the nose-“

“Yes!” He squints at me.

“I’ve never heard that before in my life.”

“Raito, are we allowed to use actions?” He asks and I shrug.

“It’s not _against_ any rules.”

“Well this is something that happens in all the princess movies,” he’s slowly walking to my side of the counter.

“It’s what woke whatever her name is.” He says, and his nose is against mine.

“Okay, one last hint.” He whispers, and then timidly puts his lips on mine. I knew the answer after the first clue, but I had an odd feeling this would be one of his hints, so I chose not to answer.

“A true love’s kiss.” I whisper after we pulled back. Our foreheads remain touching. I lift him up to sit on the counter in front of me, and he lays his head on my shoulder. He shuffles are reaches behind him into his back jean pocket and pulls out a yellow piece of lined paper. He hands it to me.

After reading the first sentence I look up and press my lips together, but I don’t look at him, I can’t bear to.

“I found it a few days ago, when I was looking for the picture of us I asked you for, and it was in the same drawer.” He says looking down at his lap where his fiddling with his hands.

“I still owe you an explanation.” He says, still looking at his lap.

“L you don-“ He puts his finger to my lips.

“I do. If not for you, then for me.” He says, and takes his hand back. I catch it and put it in mine.

“I was put into an orphanage at the age of 12.” He begins, his voice is strained, and instinctively I squeeze his hand tighter.

“Can we go up to our room?” He asks, finally he looks me in the eye.

“Of course, Darling.” I whisper, lifting him off the counter, I put one arm on his lower back and the other under him, he grabs my shoulders, wraps his legs around my waist, and he holds me so tight his muscle start to shake.

Once we’ve gotten into our room I set him on the edge of the bed and gently let go of him, but his arms and legs stay around my waist.

“Please don’t go.” He mumbles.

“I won’t, I promise, I’m just going to grab a blanket, okay?” I say, and he nods, but it still takes at least two minutes to fully detach the weeping boy from my body. I walk to the closet and grab out a puffy comforter, on that is a favorite of his. I walk back to the bed and sit cross-legged. L scampers to me and grabs me so forcefully I fall back onto the bed. The poor boy is crying into my chest, his body is curled up next to me in a modified fetal position, one that allows him to be flush up against me more.

“Before I got to the orphanage, I was alone, my parents were wrapped up in the mafia, and they were indebt to some really dangerous people. When I was eight, I watched the scene from the crack between the doors of the closet I was hiding in. They shot my father immediately but they took their time with my mother. They cut her Achilles tendons, and she screamed bloody murder. Across the street was an old church whose bells were ringing to signal evening mass. They were very loud. I closed my eyes. I listened to them, I shut my eyes, and I resorted to the only thing that made me feel safe; numbers. _3.14159265359…_ When they found me I was whispering pi, with my hands over my ears and my eyes closed.

“I was eight when _he_ took me. I addressed him only as ‘Sir’, or ‘Master’ if he was feeling particularly sadistic. I had heard others call him by Mello, which I presumed was an alias. His true name, I never knew. He kept me in what I presumed to be the mafia base, it was musky, and underground. Every single gunshot, every scream ripped through the concrete. I was kept in decent living quarters. The room was relatively large, about 8’ by 10’, it had a small room attached that was a small bathroom. The bathroom held a toilet, a sink, and a shower with no curtain. There was only one thing on the wall, a large mirror-it was nearly 5’x6’-near the door. The rest of the floor and walls were unfinished, leaving only the bare concrete. I had a twin bed, a small chest with two or three days worth of clothes, and two panels of bright florescent lights; one in the bathroom and one in the bedroom.

“The door was a foggy Plexiglas, it allowed me to see silhouettes, but not much else. I wasn’t spoken, or tended to for the two days after my arrival. Those two days I spent mainly lying on the bed, or sitting down on the shower floor with the water off. When the door opened for the first time, I was relieved, but I soon realized being ‘tended to’ was not a good thing. I had deduced that there were no cameras or audio bugs in the room, which led me to believe I was in the heart of the building or at least far enough in that they weren’t worried about me escaping.

“He had blonde hair, and he was tall. The first time I saw him, I felt paralyzed, he had green eyes that were so sharp they could cut you, coupled with his overly neat blonde hair, it was enough to make me nervous, but that wasn’t what paralyzed me. He wore only leather, I had never seen him in anything else: leather boots, leather pants, leather vest, and leather gloves. He had a visible scar covering the left side of his face, neck, and his back, but even that didn’t scare me. It was his smile. His cruel, cold, heartless smile he flashed every time he forced me to submit to him.

“He spoke precisely, and harshly. ‘Your parents fucked with the wrong people kid. Now you get to pay off their debt.’ Then he bit my lip. I was too scared to move. ‘If you’re good, I’ll take $50 off your debt.’ He whispered. ‘How much did my parents owe?’ I questioned, and for that I was slapped. ‘You address me as Master.’ He says, licking my jaw. ‘How much did my parents owe, Master?’ I asked, ‘over 30k.’ That was when I gave up. My virginity had been sold for $50.

“I wasn’t let go, I was rescued, and taken to the orphanage after four years in captivity, throughout the years, the bells became louder and louder, and the flashbacks became stronger and stronger. After being in there for so long, my body couldn’t handle food. I couldn’t eat a whole apple without vomiting. It didn’t matter to me, because I didn’t deserve the food. I didn’t deserve any of the care I was getting. I deserved to be back in that concrete room.

“Since I was about 14, I’ve had the world on my shoulders. I had to find a way out, drinking didn’t work, nor did drugs; I needed something else. I needed pain, and I deserved pain. One day, I was helping one of the other boys with their studies; he was an avid consumer of menthols and had a series of lighters and cigarettes stashed in his desk. I stole one of his lighters. That night I was in my room, I attempted to coax a flame out of that damned thing, and when I did, the heated metal burned my thumb. Then it was more than my thumb, and more than that lighter. It was pocket knives, can tops, pushpins; anything I could get.”

That’s when he stopped. I had so many questions, but none of them were worth pushing him any farther.

“I love you, Lawliet, and I will never do anything to hurt you.” I say, weaving my fingers in his hair.

“I know Raito, I know.” He says, hugging me tighter.


	4. Really? Nova?

“Just don’t answer it.” I murmur.

            “I have to.” He says, dries my eyes and reaches for his phone.

Today is the second hardest day of the year for me. The day my mom and dad died. He was forty-six, and she was forty-four, they died five years ago, when I was eighteen. He had PTSD from being in the military, and one night he lost it _._

_My mother was in the kitchen, and when she turned around to talk to me, my dad saw the knife in her hand and his grip on reality slipped. Before we knew what was going on, my father pulled a gun from his waistband, and shot her, dead on, between the eyes. The gunshot brought him back. He looked at my mom bleeding on the floor; he looked at me, as I slid over the counter to kneel beside her. Then, he looked at the gun._

_“Dad. Please, don’t.” I said as I stood up, my hands and knees covered in blood._

_“Please Dad, give me the gun.” I said, reaching my hand out._

_“Please. I love you, hand me the gun and we’ll get through this.” I said, and he was going to do it, his hand relaxed and he moved his arm toward me slightly. Then his hand slipped. The gun went off and shot me, just above my knee. I crumbled._

_His grip was tighter on the gun and he was shaking._

_“I didn’t mean to. I-It slipped.” I put my hand out._

_“I know, it’s okay, just set the gun down, and we will be just fine. Okay?” He starts to kneel down._

_“See, just like that.” I say and he sinks to his knees. He places his hand on my face gently. His hand is spotted in my mom’s blood from the splatter, and the red smears across my cheek._

_“I love you Light.” He says, and I take his hand._

_“I love you too Dad.” He moved faster than I could see. My vision was blurry from tears and hazy from pain. I couldn’t see it, but I sure as hell could hear it. My arms crumbled and I landed in a crumbled child’s pose. He was sputtering a bit, choking on his own blood._

_“Sayu… t-t-a-ak-e ca-r-r-e o-o-f he-r-r.” Then nothing. Nothing but screeching sirens and flashing lights. Nothing but pain and guilt. Nothing but a bloody knife and a smoking gun._

 

            “Yes.” He says, holding his phone as awkwardly as always, his voice brings me back.

            “Tomorrow?” His perks up.

“…Tonight?” He sits up, his knees on the sides of my hips. Then, the doorbell rings to our floor.

“We’ll be there in a moment.” He says and stands up.

“What the hell is going on?” I ask, sitting up.

“There is a little boy named Near who stays at the orphanage, and he doesn’t exactly, play well with others, he doesn’t really doing anything with others. So he came to Japan with Watari. Watari has to go out for three days, he tried to call Matt, but, Near refused to go there. The boy insisted on being with me.” He says, and takes my hand, leading me to the door.

“How old is he?” I ask as we get close to the door. Lawliet opens the door, there is a toddler standing there next to an elderly man.

“How do you feel about kids?” L asks, and the little albino boy runs up to him and throws his arms around L’s knees.

“LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!” He screams, and L reaches down to tap the boy’s head.

“Don’t be late for your flight. We’ll see you soon.” L says, and shuts the door. He leans down and picks up the boy.

“Who aw you?” The little boy asks, his arms around L’s neck.

“This is my boyfriend. His name is Light.” L says.

“Can you say Light?” Near looks at me intently and squirms in L’s arms.

“White!” He yells, trying his best to say my name.

“White! White! Pih mah uh?’’ He says, holding out his arms. L smiles, and I gently take the boy into my arms.

“I’m Neaw.” He says, putting his nose against mine, and giving me an eskimo kiss. Then he stretches, and yawns, he grabs my shirt with his fists, and leans his head on my chest. I adjust him so that I’m holding him bridal style.

“Is he?” L whispers. I nod. L grabs the robot backpack, and suitcase set, and gently pulls it down the hall. This is the first time I notice the little stuffed lamb in L’s arms.

“He can nap on our bed.” L says, setting the stuff down. I lean down to set the boy on the bed, but he holds me tighter.

“Law, we’ve got a bit of a problem.” I say, and he chuckles softly.

“Looks like we have no choice,” he says, “we have to lie down.” I lie on one side, L on the other, and Near is between us, still clutching my shirt, gently snoring.

“He’s never like this.” L whispers, brushing hair out of the child’s face.

“How old is he?” I ask.

“Barely three.” L says, continuing to stroke the boy’s hair.

“Sometimes he calls me dad.” L says, his voice growing quieter.

“And every time,” his eyes meet mine, “it breaks my heart.”

_We could adopt him. We’re both in our twenties with steady jobs, I mean- No! Don’t even bring that up to L! What are you thinking?! You just confessed the other night!_

“You looked like you were going to say something.” L says, his hand moving from the boy’s face to mine.

“It was something that was beyond my right to say.”

“I’ve thought about it before…” L mutters, looking down at the boy. L’s foot reaches out and brushes against mine.

“But I couldn’t do it alone.” He whispers.

“Who says you’d have to?” I say carefully leaning over Near and giving L a small kiss.

“Light?” He asks.

“Yeah?”

“I’m tiord,” he says, in a voice mimicking Near’s.

“Then let’s sleep.” I say and curl up. L curls up against Near, who’s curled up against me, who’s curled up with Near. We all fall asleep.

 

 

            “Dada?” I hear a little voice and open my eyes. The little boy is straddling L’s rib cage, and poking his cheeks.

            “Daddy?” He asks, and starts poking L’s face.

            “Near?” L asks, blinking open his eyes. Near’s face lights up, “DADDY!” He screams and hugs him. L smiles at the boy and reaches a hand to the boy’s hair. L doesn’t know I am awake.

            “Daddy?”

L hums in response.

            “Is that Papa?” He asks, pointing to me. I snap my eyes shut, so when L looks at me, he still believes I am asleep.

            “No-” He pauses before finishing his sentence, “I hope he will be.” L says, and I crack my eye open to see he has turned his attention back to the boy.

            “White.” Near says, “Tehw me abow white.” Near says.

            “Well Near, Light is a very, very special boy. He’s very smart, very handsome,” Near giggles at that, “and I love him.” L finishes.

            “Aw you two like Uncle Matt and Uncle Mihael?” L smiles.

            “I hope we will be.” He says, messing with Near’s white locks. Then, I yawn, and stretch.

“Good Morning Light.” L says, and leans over kissing me.

“EWWWWWIIIIEEEEEEE!” Near shrieks, climbing off of the bed. L chuckles, and licks his top lip.

“How about we go to the kitchen? We can get some breakfast and watch some Nova.” L says, and I give him a look that clearly says, _Nova? Really? He’s just a kid._ L smiles and looks at Near expectantly.

“We can even watch the one about subduction zones, and the aquatics that live there.” Near smiles.

“And vowcanos too?” L laughs.

“Of course!”

L grabs a box from the desk, “I have to talk to Light for a minute, can you go out to the living room and do the puzzle I got you?” He asks, holding the box in front of the boy. Near snatches it up and toddles out of the room.

As soon as he’s gone, L grabs me by the collar and kisses me. It was passionate, but not demanding. After we stop to breath, he puts his hands on my neck, and I put mine over his.

“How about a night off? We could go see him… if you’d like.” L says, knowing all too well he’s treading on thin ice.

“But we just got Near.” I counter.

“You know the photo on my desk downstairs?” I hold him closer and slip my hands into his back pockets.

“The one with the blonde and the redhead?” He nods.

“That’s Matt and Mihael Keehl. Or as Near calls them, Uncle Matt and Uncle Mihael. They live not too far from the orphanage back in England, but when Matt was called about Near, they got onto a flight. I called Mihael after you fell asleep, and they were just boarding, I told them it wasn’t necessary for them to come, but they want to see the little boy. I told them that we have plenty of room, and they are welcome for as along as they like. Their flight left at 5:20AM, so they should be landing at about roughly 5:45 this evening. And don’t worry about their jetlag, they make this trip so often, it doesn’t affect them much anymore.”

Then something came to my mind about the picture…

_He had blonde hair, and he was tall. The first time I saw him, I felt paralyzed, he had green eyes that were so sharp they could cut you, coupled with his overly neat blonde hair, it was enough to make me nervous, but that wasn’t what paralyzed me. He wore only leather, I had never seen him in anything else: leather boots, leather pants, leather vest, and leather gloves. He had a visible scar covering the left side of his face, neck, and his back._

“The blonde in the picture, is he… the one who hurt you?” L flinches.


	5. Put Your Records On

“The blonde in the picture, is he… the one who hurt you?” L flinches. He shakes his head, and I relax my shoulders.

“He rescued me, his father was the one who imprisoned me, he was only slightly younger than myself, and he was a prisoner to his father as well. He was put into an underground child-fighting ring. He had to kill the other boys, or he they’d kill him. His father burned him the way he had been burned, to brand him as his own. The rest of the scars are from the boys. He can’t stand leather, and don’t bring up his father, because he will…go to a dark place... so to speak.”

I nod, and let L’s head fall on my shoulder.

“I’ve got Near for a bit, if you want a bit of time.” He says, looking up at me.

“No, it’s not fair for you to do all the work-“ L puts his finger to my lips.

“Put him in front of Nova with the disc on marathon setting and you’ve got at least an hour. Throw in his lamb, some broken robotics and tools to fix them? You’ve got five or six.” L says, and moves his hand in a dismissive fashion. I hear a splashing noise.

“Looks like he’s already figured it out.” I chuckle and L smiles. I put my finger under his chin.

“You should do that more often.” I whisper and he blushes, biting his bottom lip.

“And by the way,” I start, “I know the boy can talk, he doesn’t have to fake it for me.” L nods.

“All of us did, at least until we were three and a half, it makes fosters want to keep you longer.” I press my lips together and look down, like I always do when I feel sorrow.

“Well, he doesn’t have to worry about that anymore, even if we aren’t legally his guardians, we love him, and he doesn’t have to “fit in”. Tell him we’ll love him no matter what, _Dada_.” I quote the little boy on that last word. L’s smile returns.

“Of course, _white._ ” He says, and I plant a final kiss on his lips.

“I’m going to shower quick, if that’s okay,” I say, pulling L into me and putting my face in his hair; he smells of strawberries, tea, and L, which is by far the most intoxicating scent.

“Take as long as you like, Matt and Mihael’s flight comes in at 4:30, but they can take a taxi here.” I hadn’t even noticed the time, when L offered Near breakfast, I assumed it was morning, but it wasn’t. Near had been dropped off at around 4 this morning, and now it was just shy of 3PM.

As if reading my mind, L kisses my neck, not in a sexual way, but in a reassuring way, trying to get my shoulders to relax.

“You needed the sleep.” He says, and his panda eyes meet mine one last time.

“L! YOU’RE MISSING THE AQUATIC FROGS!!” Both of us laughed for a moment, then L pried himself off me, I immediately shivered from the loss of body heat. He slowly let go of my hand, and grabbed Near’s backpack. When he reached the doorway he paused and looked back at me.

“I love you Light, and you know that, but I can’t miss those aquatic frogs.” He says smiling, and laughing a little bit. I close my eyes, and can’t help the smile that creeps onto my face.

“It’s okay, I understand.” I say, dramatically, as if in a soap opera. Then he starts to walk away, and I can see how difficult it is for him to keep walking, and not run back to me. Once I hear his and Near’s muffled voices, I take a breath.

I go to the record player in the corner of the room, and skim through the records until I find one that I’d never seen before. It was a cased in a black sleeve that had splatter paint of all different colors. I pulled it out of the rack and turned it every which way, looking for a title or a track list. Nothing. I reached in to pull the record out, and a piece of paper fell. I set the record on the bed and bent to grab the paper.

 

_Dear Light,_

_There is a 48% chance that we are in an intimate relationship at the time you ready this, meaning there is a 52% chance that we are not. Most of the time I wouldn’t risk revealing that secret to you, with only a 48% success rate, but as you can tell by reading this, I’m currently thinking with my heart and not my brain._

_I know that you’ve always had an eye for my records; I know they intrigued you. So this is yours, one all your own, too keep for as long as you live. Now here is the risky part._

_If by chance you and I are not lovers, or even friends, then I might as well have signed my death certificate. ~~But if my calculations were correct.~~ But if by chance what I felt was indeed mutual, than I might as well have written my wedding vows. _

_I’m not exactly sure how to write a romantic love letter, so I’m afraid that the truth will have to do. This will be a work in progress, for as long as I remember about it._

_I’m not thrilled about having you as a partner, in fact I’m about 98% sure that you are a sadistic that gets off by committing manslaughter. Unfortunately, 5% of me doesn’t care. And as the days go on, that 5% climbs a bit higher and that 98% drops a little lower. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I get restless when we aren’t in the same room, and if that was the only odd thing my body did, then I’d be able to believe that it was just the whole “mass murderer” thing…but it isn’t. My body gets really hot when you’re around me, especially my face, and I can feel it turn red. My stomach feels like it’s being sucked into my ribcage, and I have to actually think about what I’m doing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me._

_Handcuffed? Really? That was what I chose? So many options, electric anklet, a shadowing personnel, anything! And I chose handcuffs…what about my little friend with a sharp bite who takes everything away? The numbers keep changing…98% has dropped to 76% in roughly six months, what’s worse is that 5% has risen to 32% in the same amount of time._

_I want to prove you innocent. For your dad, your family, for you…for me… Mihael and Matt haven’t been much help, considering every time I call them, they began to sing a duet of “Kiss the Girl” from Ariel, only they substitute boy instead of girl. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Will I feel this way forever? I’d rather die than feel this forever._

_We arrested Kira today, both of them. I didn’t bother to remember the man’s name, even though he just about saved my life. The woman on the other hand, I can tell you a couple of things about her. She was a slut. A whore. A little bitch. She was too perky. Her voice sounded like a yippy dog that was forced to take a bath. Neither one of them made it to prison alive. The books were burned on sight, and “surprisingly” none of the people who touched it died, despite what the rules said. It only killed the owners. I didn’t have the strength to tell you my suspicion of you was gone, so I maybe have abused my power just a bit to keep us handcuffed for longer. In fact, several months later, you were very aware that the key was in the bedside table. But you never unlocked yourself. I decided to make it an experiment, how long would you keep us chained? ~~The percentages are at~~ There is only one percentage. I’m 96% sure that I want to spend everyday of my life with you._

_2004-2011_

 

I don’t know what I was expecting…but it definitely wasn’t that…


	6. Uncle Matt and Uncle Mihael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late. I'm sorry. Also. I apologize in advance for the ending. You have fun with that ending. I'm a horrible person. Also, I did you a bit of Russian in this chapter, again, I am still learning, and I am making it as accurate as I can, but punctuation is rough.

My fingers trace all the pen lines on the note. I then force myself to set it down, and I put the record on. I now see the line up on the back of the sleeve.

 

 

**Side A**

Losing My Religion                R.E.M

In My Veins                              Andrew Belle

Nothing Left To Say              Imagine Dragons

Therapy                                     All Time Low

Get Home                                   Bastille

 

**Side B**

 

Fix You                                      Coldplay

Blind                                           Hurts

Immortals                               Fall Out Boy

Peace                                           O.A.R

_________                                ___________ 

 

I didn’t even have a chance to put the needle on the record, before my romantic moment is ruined.

“LIGHT!!” He yells, not bothering to leave the living room. I hear what must be L’s footsteps coming back toward the room.

“We have to get Matt and Mihael, but if you want to stay here, you can.” I smile, and gently walk to him, placing my hand on his cheek.

“Of course I’ll come with.” I say and slip into jeans and a button up shirt. I grab my shoes and head to the door.

“Will you carry me?” The little boy asks, lifting his arms above his head. I bend down and lift him, keeping him on my hip.

“Ready?” L asks, and I nod, picking up the keys from the table.

 

* * *

 

 

The airport wasn’t too chaotic, so we were able to get to the baggage claims with relative ease. Near is still up on my hip, and L is holding my hand. Swarms of people are walking down the stairs behind the glass. Soldiers, lovers, flight attendants, and tourists all walk through those sliding doors. Then Near starts squirming, I set him down and he runs to the door. I see the blonde and the redhead. Both look like the picture L has on his desk.

“Hey Near.” The blonde one says, swinging the boy into his arms.

“Uncle Mihael!” He cries, giggling as the man throws him over his shoulder.

“Uncle Mattie!” He shouts and throws his arms around the redhead, wrapping his legs around his waist.

 

* * *

 

Once Matt and Mihael had settled down with Near, Mihael walked over to me and L.

“It’s okay, go, we’ve got him for a bit.” Mihael says, and brings L into a hug. 

 

* * *

 

 

We’re sitting in the car. L has taken over the driver’s seat even with my protests.

“Raito, you are in no condition to drive.” I shake my head, and before I can even speak, I can’t hold the tears back any longer.

“I-I-I’m fine.” I say and then I lose it. I press my lips together, trying not to sob. L swings over and straddles my waist, and places his hands on my cheeks, brushing off the tears. Then he forcefully pulls me into his shoulder. I clutch his shirt and sob.

“Come on Light, let’s go upstairs, we can just lie down, okay, you can take a shower, we can curl up.” I nod, and then, he surprises me. He lifts me up and carries me, into the elevator. We pass our floor and I look up at him.

“There is something I want to show you.” He mumbles and buries his face in my hair and kisses my head. I curl into him even more, suddenly shivering. I then realize it’s because we’re outside. He notices me shivering and holds me tighter, then instead of moving he stands and allows the door to close.

“Light you are tired. Can you even tell me what happened this past day?” I struggle to look up at him.

“No.” I mumble. Because I can’t, it’s like a skipping record. I’ve been jumping around, a few words from the uncles, a few minutes with the vinyl. I’ve been spinning, I have no coherence memories from today. If today were a movie it would be a Quentin Tarantino film.

“Let’s just go to bed, we can sleep, and start over tomorrow. I have some work I have to do with Mihael and Matt, but it doesn’t really concern you, so you and Near can sleep in.” He says walking through our floor and to our bedroom.

“I can help.” I say as he lies me down.

“Light, you need sleep, and it isn’t a big deal, it’s something in their personal life that they would like me to look at with them.” I nod. He lies down next to me, I think. But I have no idea because I am already asleep.

 

* * *

 

L

 

Light falls asleep. He really needed it, I think looking after Near was a bit of a shock for him, well, that and today is the anniversary of his orphanage. I stroke his hair for a little bit before gently standing up and walking to the main room. Matt and Mihael have put Near to sleep, and they remain on the couch, Matt is leaning on the arm of the couch and Mello is curled into him completely. This is a rare scene, one that only Near and I have witnessed. Matt and Mihael aren’t exactly ones to flaunt their intimacy, and instead kiss and cuddle behind closed doors.

I walk in behind them and go to the small kitchenette to make tea. Neither of them move or turn their heads, but I can hear soft mumbling and see chaste kisses.   
            “I like him.” Mello says, not turning around.

“I love him.” I say pouring my tea. I stack my sugar in it and after grabbing a beer for each of them I make my way to the living room. I leave the bottles on the coffee table in front of them and sit in the chair across from them.

“Спасибо.” Mihael says. (thank you)

“Пожалуйста.” (you’re welcome)

I’ve always been able to keep up with Mihael, I made it a priority as a child. I don’t use my Russian too often, so I am a bit rusty, but I can speak fluently…writing is another story. After years of being around Mihael, Matt has been able to piece a few things together. He knows the gist of it, and he can understand words when he’s spoken to, but he cannot speak it. And he’s tried. I can count on one hand the words he can say properly…maybe two hands.

“What did you tell him?” Matt asks, taking a sip of his beer.

“You wanted to see Near, and that you want me to look at with you.” Mihael laughs.

“Yes, because if I ever needed advice for my ‘personal life’ you’d definitely be the one I’d turn to.” I sneer slightly.

“Probably a good idea, because I’d wreck you life, _Mitchell_.” He was definitely ready to pounce on me. I knew his English name would rile him up, it always does. Even though it may seem like we are truly upset and angry at each other, we are not. We’re playing a game, an internalized game of chess, a war fought with only the sharpest of weapons: intellect and wit.

Matt loves these games, he does not join in because all of us know that if Matt were to fight in this war, we’d might as well be an unarmed sitting duck. He only smirks and watches, with the occasional pause followed by a fit of laughter brought on by his lover’s snarky demeanor.

“Mihael, calm down.” Matt says, eventually grabbing the exhausted blonde and tucking him into his arm.

“If you don’t calm down you’ll get _both_ of us kicked off of the groomsmen list.”

**Author's Note:**

> All rights go to their respected owners.


End file.
